Spiritual Exercise: Are You Having a Codependent Relationship With God?

Side note: I wrote this spiritual exercise with a small-group setting in mind. But you can certainly go through this exercise alone. Feel the freedom to use this exercise however you want to. Skip some steps, add some steps, alter some steps — do whatever you sense is best for you and/or your group. You may want to use just one of the steps. That’s great!

I’ve come to believe that my relationship with God — which is influenced by my view of God (i.e., my beliefs and perceptions about God) — determines the kind of relationship I have with myself and others.

One of the major ways I examine my relationship with God is by asking myself the “barriers” question: What “barriers” do I have to enjoying a healthy, intimate, loving relationship with God? Another way I ask it is, what views (i.e., beliefs, perceptions) of God do I have that might be “barriers” to enjoying a healthy, intimate, loving relationship with God?

This exercise includes several questions that may help you indentify some barriers you have to enjoying a healthier relationship with God. I’ve grouped the questions based on patterns and characteristics of codependency. (I’m recovering from codependency, so I know these patterns and characteristics well!)

Whether you have codependent tendencies or not, I hope this exercise helps you examine your relationship with God and your view of God — and I hope it helps you take another step of growth! As you go through this exercise, try to be gut-level honest with yourself. Raw honesty is essential for deep transformation.

STEP 1: In order to quiet our hearts and minds, we’re going to sit in silence together for about two minutes. Let your thoughts and feelings settle down. Perhaps ask God to help you become aware of his/her presence.

STEP 2: Examining Denial Patterns. Spend two minutes quietly reading over the following questions. Which question, if any, stands out from the rest? Note it in your journal (or on your piece of paper).

[Leader's Note: It would be helpful to hand out a copy of the following questions to each person in the group.]

    -Are you able to identify what you’re feeling toward God?
    -Do you allow yourself to feel angry toward God? Sad? Victimized? Resentful? Afraid? Confused? Depressed?
    -Do you minimize your anger, confusion, disappointment, etc., or deny what you really feel, because you’re uncomfortable with feeling those feelings toward God?
    -Do you believe that it’s wrong to feel negative feelings toward God?

STEP 3: Examining Low Self-Esteem Patterns. Spend two minutes quietly reading over the following questions. Which question, if any, stands out from the rest? Note it in your journal (or on your piece of paper).

    -Do you believe that God judges everything you think, say or do harshly, as never good enough?
    -Do you believe that you’re not worthy to receive good things from God?
    -Do you disown your own intellectual processes in favor of accepting what someone else has taught you about God?
    -Do you believe that you have to earn the love and acceptance of God?
    -Do you believe God perceives you as unloveable?

STEP 4: Examining Compliance Patterns. Spend two minutes quietly reading over the following questions. Which question, if any, stands out from the rest? Note it in your journal (or on your piece of paper).

    -Are you loyal to a view of God that doesn’t really work for you, but you hold on to that view because it’s all you’ve ever known?
    -Do you believe that in order to have a relationship with God you have to put aside your own interests, passions, pleasures or beliefs in order to do what you think God wants you to do?
    -Do you believe that God wants you to stay in pain, to suffer and remain in deprivation, whether physical, spiritual or emotional?
    -Do you believe that God is judgmental and non-accepting of someone else and then join that belief in judging others and becoming intolerant of differing opinions and beliefs about God?
    -Do you believe that God doesn’t care for you and then manifest the same disregard for yourself and your needs and desires?
    -Do you sometimes have a clear sense of what you need to do but fail to do it because you’re afraid you may displease God?
    -Do you value what you think God thinks of you more than your own opinions and feelings about yourself or your situations?
    -Do you settle for casual contact with God when what you really want is an intimate, loving relationship with God?

STEP 5: Examining Control Patterns. Spend two minutes quietly reading over the following questions. Which question, if any, stands out from the rest? Note it in your journal (or on your piece of paper).

    -Do you believe that God is incapable of taking care of others, yourself, the world and all of life’s circumstances, and so you try to take over God’s job?
    -Do you barter compliance with what you think God wants from you in exchange for desired outcomes? (E.g., “God, if you do ‘X’ for me, I’ll do ‘Y’ for you.”)
    -Do you try to appease God with self-imposed suffering or sacrifices because you think God’s favor can be purchased and coerced?
    -Do you believe that an intimate and equal relationship with God leaves you too vulnerable, and you maintain a sense of control by withholding a deeper connection and contact?
    -Do you believe that unless you’re indispensable to God’s work, whatever that looks like to you, you cannot have a relationship with God?
    -Do you believe you have to be giving yourself in service to God in order to earn a relationship with God?
    -Do you resist the belief that you can stand on equal footing with God in relationship without doing anything to earn that relationship?
    -Do you believe your value is only in service, that to simply be alive isn’t sufficient for God to pay attention to you?
    -Do you believe that if you stopped trying to manage and control the things God is capable of controlling and managing, you wouldn’t have any worth or value?

STEP 6: Now we’re going to take some time to share with each other. What I’d like for each of you to share are the four questions that stood out to you, that impacted you. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing, that’s OK, you don’t have to share.

STEP 7: Which question, out of the four that you shared with us, do you sense God wants you to explore more? Another way of asking it is, which of your beliefs about God do you sense God wants to change? Let’s take the next minute to listen to God in silence. Then we’ll share our answers with each other.

STEP 8: Let’s share with each other. Which question, out of the four that you shared with us, do you sense God wants you to explore more, and why? Also, which of your beliefs about God, if any, do you sense God wants to change, and why? Again, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing, you don’t have to share.

STEP 9: Let’s close in prayer.

**Special Note: Thanks to Karla and Marian of Codependents Anonymous here in San Diego. Many of these questions came out of a workshop they gave a couple months ago.

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